Question:
Name the three types of blood vessels
Answer:
The 3 types of blood vessels are veins, arteries and caterpillas |
| Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate
of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. |
| The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
One of their children, Cain, asked 'Am I my brother's son?' |
| Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they
made themselves unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cynanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada. |
| Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. |
| The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. |
| Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that
name. |
| Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. |
| In the Olympic game, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits
and threw the java. |
| Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. |
| Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ids of March murdered him because they though he was going to
be made king. Dying, he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus'. |
| Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
the fiddle to them. |
| Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for
the same offence. |
| In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer
of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and
also wrote literature. |
| Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head. |
| Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen'. As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah'. |
| It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. |
| The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
mad much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to
be laid by Juliet. |
| Writing at the same times as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. |
| During the Renaissaance America began. Christopher Columbus was
a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
His ships were called the Pinto, the Nina and the Santa Fe. |
| Later the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress.The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many
people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible
for all this. |
| One of the causes fo the Revolutionary war was the English put tacks
in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through
the post without stamps. Finally, the colonists won the War and no
longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states
formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin
Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared
' A horse divided against itself cannot stand'. Franklin died in 1790
and is still dead. |
| Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms. |
| Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with
his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show. The believed assinator was John Booth, a supposedly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career. |
| Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. |
| Gravity was invented by Issaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable
in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees. |
| Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach
was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. |
| Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
this. |
| |
| The French revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since
Josephine was baroness, she couldn't have any children. |
| The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. |
| Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn
for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death
was the final event that ended her reign. |
| The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts
and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which
did the work of a hundred men. |
| Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin
was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species, Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. |
| The First World War caused by the assignation of the
Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human
history. |
Answer given by ICT GCSE student to a question about
the Data Protection Act
Question: "Give one example of an illegal use someone could
make of the data."
Answer:"You could use it to track someone down and devour
their soul!" |
Answer given in mock Biology exam:
Question: Give an example of movement in plants, and an animal
that cannot move?
Answer: Tryphids & a dead cat. |
Question. What is selective breeding?
Answer. You get your best cow. You get your other best cow. You
get them to shag and you get a better cow. |
Question. Is a brick a solid, liquid or gas?
Answer. Yes. |
In Yr. 9 Physics Module test on Electricity:
Question. Give a description of a transformer.
Answer. It's a robot but is disguised as something else, like a
car. |
| In a SATs paper a couple of years ago a child was
presented with a few shapes - square, rectangle etc. The question
asked the child to name the shapes so on the line the child wrote
- Bill, James, Sarah etc - took the question rather literally!! |
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